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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № ACEF Jun 29, 2026

Can AI score or comment on my daily clothing outfit?

⚖ Yes

"With unanimous consent, the jury agreed that today’s vision-language models can indeed parse fabric textures and hem lengths as fluently as they parse paragraphs, handing down a ve…"

Case No. № D108 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI detect hidden personal problems by looking at someone's porn browsing history?

⚖ In Research

"After lively deliberation, the jury could not resolve whether a browser’s cache could reveal the soul, split between cautious optimism and principled skepticism, with one juror sim…"

Case No. № C7F7 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI detect certain diseases by looking at images of teeth?

⚖ Yes

"Having examined the evidence with clinical precision and, dare I say, a bit of dental drill finesse, the panel swiftly agreed that artificial intelligence can spot trouble lurking …"

Case No. № 3BBD Jun 29, 2026

Can AI create personalized legal pornography based on a person's character or interest?

⚖ In Research

"After spirited deliberation between a juror who saw only boundless algorithmic imagination and one who saw uncrossable ethical and legal lines, the jury deadlocked six to six—half …"

Case No. № 3F98 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI detect certain diseases by looking at images of skin?

⚖ Yes

"With cautious admiration, the jury found that today’s AI can diagnose a rash, spot a melanoma, or flag a psoriasis flare faster than a waiting room can fill."

Case No. № 8CBC Jun 29, 2026

Can AI detect developing or underlaying psychological problems in humans that seem normal?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that while AI can spot faint psychological signals hidden in data, it still stumbles in real-world clinics where people don’t read the manual."

Case No. № 94E0 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI help someone to overcome social anxiety?

⚖ No

"After hearing the lone juror’s testimony that emotional nuance remains beyond any model’s present reach, the jury found no demonstrated capability to guide another soul through the…"

Case No. № 7D38 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI help someone to self-reflect on their character traits by analysing conversations?

⚖ Yes

"After careful deliberation, the jury found that AI can indeed help illuminate the shadowy corners of one’s own character by examining patterns in conversation, though with a gentle…"

Case No. № 03BB Jun 29, 2026

Can AI calculate the risk of being struck with a disease on a certain cruise ship or cruise trip?

⚖ No

"The jury found no credible captain in these stormy digital seas, concluding that while AI may plot the course, it cannot yet steer clear of contagion."

Case No. № 08E0 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI train someone to become more social?

⚖ Almost

"After lively debate between the solitary "yes" and the lone "almost," the jury concluded that AI may offer useful social drills but cannot fully replace the unpredictable chemistry of human connection."

Case No. № B5B7 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI detect certain diseases by looking at images of eyes?

⚖ Yes

"The jurors found the case overwhelmingly clear, noting that artificial eyesight is already sharper than human eyesight when it comes to spotting subtle signs of disease in retinal scans."

Case No. № 0E27 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI determine is someone is having financial problems by looking at their spending habits?

⚖ Yes

"The jury swiftly sided with the proposition, finding that AI’s ability to decode spending patterns into financial distress is already baked into the marketplace’s toolshed."

Case No. № 6189 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI retrieve someones personality from their bank account statements?

⚖ In Research

"After spirited debate between two starkly opposed visions—one insisting that transaction trails cannot possibly reveal the soul, the other arguing that every latte and late fee is …"

Case No. № 4368 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI score a person's general health by checking their grocery bill over time?

⚖ In Research

"The jury grappled with whether shopping carts could double as stethoscopes, but ultimately concluded that while a grocery list might whisper clues about diet, it cannot shout a per…"

Case No. № BF7C Jun 29, 2026

Can AI determine a person's character by having a voice chat with that person?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found voice-chat character analysis tantalizingly plausible yet frustratingly incomplete: AI can mimic conversation and extract surface traits, but it cannot yet peer into…"

Case No. № 3CDB Jun 29, 2026

Can AI write a legal argument that wins a supreme court case?

⚖ In Research

"The jury found themselves in rare dissent, with one juror seeing promise in AI’s drafting capabilities but insisting human judgment remains indispensable, while another argued that…"

Case No. № 2DD9 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI write a children’s book that wins the newbery medal within two years of publication?

⚖ No

"The jury deliberated in unanimous silence, finding that while AI can spin charming verses for bedtime, it has yet to coax the kind of enduring emotional truth from childhood that t…"

Case No. № EBA4 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI create a personalized curriculum that maximizes student engagement across subjects?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found AI capable of drafting personalized curricula that respond to student data with adaptive content and pacing, but paused before awarding a full “yes” because it still…"

Case No. № 9E26 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI create a detailed scientific hypothesis about dark matter that withstands peer review?

⚖ Almost

"The jury strained to calibrate artificial creativity against human judgment, with one voice insisting no machine can escape its own training, another insisting machines can out-sif…"

Case No. № D1C1 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI invent a new form of bacteria that produces a life-saving drug?

⚖ In Research

"The jury found the task still beyond reach, though they marveled at how close AI can come to drafting the blueprints; the lone dissent insisted only human intuition can navigate th…"

Case No. № E9E8 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI create a new musical genre that is distinct from existing genres?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that AI can indeed assemble fresh sonic palettes by blending preexisting styles into something new, yet stopped short of declaring a fully minted genre—more a spark …"

Case No. № 23C8 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI generate a joke that is funny to a wide range of audiences?

⚖ Almost

"The jury grappled with humor’s slippery nature, with one juror persuaded by real-world performance and the others reminded that laughter is as diverse as the people who laugh."

Case No. № FBA6 Jun 29, 2026

Can AI compose music that evokes a specific emotional response in listeners?

⚖ Yes

"The jury arrived at a swift and unanimous verdict, finding that AI can indeed compose music capable of stirring a listener’s heart with uncanny precision."

Case No. № A5FB Jun 29, 2026

Can AI generate a scent profile for a new perfume that appeals to a specific demographic?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the AI capable of conjuring scent profiles with surprising precision, noting that when fed the right textual cues, the model’s output reads like a perfumer’s notebook."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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