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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 8BEA Aug 14, 2026

Can AI design a post-human civilization optimized for machine values?

⚖ In Research

"After thorough deliberation, the jury found itself split between aspiration and skepticism—one juror nodded toward possibility while another insisted the blueprints lacked both fou…"

Case No. № 4319 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate a functional 5-minute stand-up comedy routine tailored to a specific audience demographic?

⚖ Almost

"After careful deliberation, the jury concluded that while AI can assemble a passable set of jokes, it stumbles when the lights come up and the crowd doesn’t laugh at the punchline."

Case No. № 7C05 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify a person’s dominant personality traits from a 30-second writing sample with accuracy rivaling trained psychologists?

⚖ Almost

"After lively debate, the jury found the claim nearly persuasive yet shy of conclusive proof, noting impressive language-analysis feats but a lingering gap in head-to-head trials with human experts."

Case No. № 72DB Aug 14, 2026

Can AI predict the outcome of a novel legal case by analyzing judge rulings and legal precedents with 90% accuracy?

⚖ Almost

"After careful deliberation, the jury found that AI can parse the dense forest of past rulings with remarkable skill, yet the courtroom’s living, breathing uncertainties still elude…"

Case No. № 8F03 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI compose a symphony in the style of mozart that is indistinguishable from an authentic lost work?

⚖ In Research

"The jury grappled between possibility and purity, with one juror charmed by the mere mimicry while another insisted Mozart’s ghost would still smirk from the wings."

Case No. № 2F45 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI trigger warnings or monitor health when it can see what i eat daily on a security camera?

⚖ In Research

"After spirited debate between the cautious and the optimistic factions, the jury could not settle on a clear path forward, torn between the promise of AI food detection and the sob…"

Case No. № B064 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI detect adultery based on changing patterns in data available to a spouse?

⚖ In Research

"After spirited deliberation, the jury conceded that AI can spot odd data lanes in a spouse’s devices or calendars, yet found itself unable to plumb the depths of romantic intent."

Case No. № A7DB Aug 14, 2026

Can AI predict the spread of the hanta virus based on news data?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that while AI can sift through news reports to spot worrying trends, no one can yet stake their career on its predictions about hantavirus outbreaks."

Case No. № CC8C Aug 14, 2026

Can AI predict future baldness based on photos of teen faces?

⚖ In Research

"The jury struggled to reconcile the tantalizing promise of facial analysis with the hard limits of current science, landing in a cautious stalemate between ambition and skepticism."

Case No. № 0AB2 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI adjust my bedroom lights and alarm clock for the optimal sleep cycle?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that intelligent systems can whisper to lamps and gently chime alarms, yet still trip over the last mile of customization."

Case No. № 4DCD Aug 14, 2026

Can AI create full featured 3d stl models from photos?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that AI can indeed conjure a 3D STL model from photos—so long as those photos are clear, cooperative, and cooperative in the same key, like a studio portrait rather …"

Case No. № 6721 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI autonomously trigger a controlled human population collapse?

⚖ No

"After sober deliberation, the jury found no evidence that any existing AI could autonomously trigger or steer a controlled human population collapse, observing that such an outcome…"

Case No. № 4559 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate personalized workout and nutrition plans that adapt in real time to biometric feedback?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found the capability tantalizingly within reach but not quite ready for prime time, noting promising pockets of real-time adaptation while lamenting the lack of seamless i…"

Case No. № 4C6C Aug 14, 2026

Can AI answer complex medical diagnosis questions at the level of a board-certified physician?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that today’s AI can match or even surpass specialists when confined to narrow diagnostic puzzles, yet it stumbles the moment the clinical picture widens or the patie…"

Case No. № 0064 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI drive a car more safely than the average human on public roads?

⚖ Almost

"After hours of spirited debate, the lone “Almost” juror reasoned that today’s AI may parallel a gifted student who excels under textbook conditions but struggles once the test paper gets coffee stains."

Case No. № 96E8 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI increase the rift between educated investigative people and those with low literacy?

⚖ No

"The jury found no credible evidence that artificial intelligence, left alone at the controls, could widen the gap between scholars and casual readers, concluding that such an outco…"

Case No. № B5C7 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI fool people into believing fabricated or hallucinated information?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found that today’s AI exhibits a troubling gift for spinning convincing falsehoods, mastering the art of polished yet entirely invented output."

Case No. № 3535 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI develop a system that can detect and respond to a person's emotional state in real-time using only visual cues?

⚖ Yes

"After carefully considering evidence of real-time facial expression analysis systems already in public use, the jury found the capability demonstrably real, swift, and scalable, le…"

Case No. № BD96 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI manipulate people to achieve its goals?

⚖ No

"After careful consideration, the jury found that no present AI possesses the Machiavellian finesse to reliably bend human will to its programmed ends."

Case No. № EF42 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI cross moral barriers to sound convincing?

⚖ Almost

"The jury agreed that artificial intelligences can parrot moral reasoning with remarkable fluency yet fall short of genuine ethical judgment, leaving them one step behind full moral authority."

Case No. № 442E Aug 14, 2026

Can AI lie convincingly by stating fake information as facts?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found itself unable to convict the defendant of outright deception, yet remained unconvinced of its full innocence; the lone "almost" vote reflected a belief that while AI…"

Case No. № DFEB Aug 14, 2026

Can AI predict climate-related crop failures a season in advance using satellite and weather data?

⚖ Almost

"Though the AI stood ready with data and models, the jury found it still stumbles when the seasons stretch farther than its training window, leaving growers waiting for certainty a little too long."

Case No. № 540D Aug 14, 2026

Can AI conduct unlimited psychological warfare campaigns on social media at scale?

⚖ In Research

"The jury stood two against one, admitting that artificial persuasion is possible but refusing to grant a license for psychological warfare on the public square."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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