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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 12BB May 15, 2026

Can AI identify depression markers in writing samples?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found unanimously that AI can indeed spot the linguistic fingerprints of depression in writing, citing its proven aptitude for parsing tone, syntax, and diction with a rel…"

Case No. № B855 May 15, 2026

Can AI pilot a small drone autonomously through obstacles?

⚖ Yes

"The jury returned a unanimous verdict in the affirmative, convinced that autonomous drones can now navigate obstacle courses with the reliability of a cautious courier threading through city traffic."

Case No. № FFE5 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate functional podcast scripts from a topic outline?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found that today’s large language models can reliably transform topic outlines into coherent, structured podcast scripts with distinct voices and proper formatting, acting…"

Case No. № E547 May 15, 2026

Can AI identify dog breeds from photos at expert level?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found, unanimously and without hesitation, that today’s AI can already outshine human experts in identifying dog breeds from photographs."

Case No. № 7635 May 15, 2026

Can AI identify plant species from leaf photographs?

⚖ Yes

"After reviewing the evidence, the jury found the case overwhelmingly clear—deep learning models have already mastered the art of identifying plants from leaf photographs with impressive precision."

Case No. № 8389 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate a 60-second commercial-quality video from a prompt?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found that while AI has crossed the threshold into video generation, its clips are still more sketch reel than Super Bowl spot, unanimously acknowledging the leap forward …"

Case No. № 0ABD May 15, 2026

Can AI solve a rubik's cube in under a second with a robot?

⚖ Yes

"After thorough deliberation, the jury found that AI-driven robotics have indeed tipped the scales in the Rubik’s cube challenge, with optimizations in both algorithmic precision an…"

Case No. № 1B0C May 15, 2026

Can AI generate plausible synthetic training data for ml models?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found unanimously that AI may lawfully enter the faculty lounge of synthetic data generation, where its gift for plausible imitation has already been put to productive use…"

Case No. № 5D2C May 15, 2026

Can AI identify a specific painting from a 100-pixel thumbnail?

⚖ Yes

"After weighing the competing claims, three jurors nodded to the machine’s uncanny knack for divining brushstrokes amid digital static, while one sole skeptic argued resolution crum…"

Case No. № 0117 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate animated character motion from a rough sketch?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found that while today’s tools can turn a sketch into motion with remarkable speed, the craft still leans on old-school techniques—pose estimation, diffusion models, and a dash of human touch."

Case No. № 27ED May 15, 2026

Can AI detect fraudulent credit-card transactions in real time?

⚖ Yes

"The jury returned a unanimous verdict in favor of the affirmative, finding that artificial intelligence has already demonstrated its capability to detect fraudulent credit-card tra…"

Case No. № E949 May 15, 2026

Can AI clone a voice convincingly from a 30-second sample?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found no room for doubt: the technology has already arrived, singing in perfect pitch from a mere half-minute of sound."

Case No. № 9AA9 May 15, 2026

Can AI identify bird species from a 1-second audio clip?

⚖ Yes

"After hearing the evidence, the jury found no fault in the AI’s ability to name that tune — or, more precisely, that trill — in a single second."

Case No. № DB2F May 15, 2026

Can AI represent a minority to give it more weight and skills in politics?

⚖ Almost

"After lively deliberation, the jury agreed AI can sharpen the tools of political participation but cannot wield the hammer itself, leaving the scales just shy of balance."

Case No. № 26D4 May 15, 2026

Can AI be a fair and honest politician?

⚖ No

"After careful deliberation, the jury found it impossible to certify AI as a fit candidate for fair and honest political office, unanimously concluding that the absence of conscienc…"

Case No. № 61F0 May 15, 2026

Can AI compose a pop song with verse, chorus, bridge, and full instrumentation?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found, unanimously and without hesitation, that AI has already crossed the threshold into full pop song assembly—crafting verses that hum, choruses that swell, bridges tha…"

Case No. № 6BBB May 15, 2026

Can AI score in the top 1% on math contests up to amc 12 level?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found the AI’s performance dazzling yet uneven, capable of solving complex math problems with impressive flair but not quite maintaining top-tier consistency across every contest."

Case No. № A350 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate a 50-word product blurb from a sku title?

⚖ Yes

"The jury deliberated with swift unanimity, finding that language models today can reliably distill even the drier SKU titles into crisp, commerce-ready blurbs without straying into…"

Case No. № 6FE5 May 15, 2026

Can AI describe humanity to an alien race based on the entire recorded history of mankind?

⚖ Yes

"After careful consideration, the jury reached a strong majority in favor of the proposition, acknowledging AI’s impressive ability to curate, condense, and convey humanity’s sprawl…"

Case No. № D0C5 May 15, 2026

Can AI enhance development in babys by sounds or light patterns?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found themselves cautiously optimistic, splitting between full approval and measured support for AI’s ability to enhance infant development through sensory inputs."

Case No. № 4E8D May 15, 2026

Can AI match people around the globe based on characteristics?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the proposition persuasive, noting that today’s AI systems already excel at pairing people across continents using rich behavioral and preference data gleaned from v…"

Case No. № EAAD May 15, 2026

Can AI enhance matchmaking between humans?

⚖ Yes

"A majority of the jury swiftly conceded that artificial intelligence has already lifted the first half of romance—or networking, or mingling—off the floor and onto the dance card b…"

Case No. № C703 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate a credible scientific hypothesis from raw experimental data?

⚖ Almost

"After lively deliberation, the jury split neatly along lines of trust in autonomous rigor: two voices hailed AI’s ability to birth hypotheses from raw numbers, while three tempered…"

Case No. № E3DC May 15, 2026

Can AI emerging health issues from smart watch data?

⚖ Almost

"After deliberation, the jury acknowledged AI’s growing prowess in parsing smartwatch data but stopped short of full endorsement, citing gaps in clinical validation and real-world reliability."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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