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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 2F4B Jul 3, 2026

Can AI generate a realistic and engaging script for a podcast or radio show, including dialogue and sound effects?

⚖ Yes

"The jurors found the task well within AI’s current toolbox, noting that large language models paired with audio-friendly formatting can spin out engaging scripts complete with dial…"

Case No. № 7948 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI predict the likelihood of a social movement going viral based on its message and audience demographics?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found AI capable of sketching the rough outlines of a viral social movement with far more accuracy than a coin flip, yet still stumbled when the crowd’s mood changed overnight."

Case No. № E277 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI convince a child to eat a vegetable they dislike?

⚖ In Research

"The jury grappled with the delicate chemistry of persuasion, and though no one claimed victory, the lone abstainer saw flickers of hope in chatbot charm."

Case No. № A415 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI make a moral judgment in a complex, real-world scenario?

⚖ No

"The jury found the question itself a bridge too far, concluding that moral judgments are not merely computations but acts of human conscience."

Case No. № EFA5 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI detect when a friend is on the edge?

⚖ In Research

"After spirited deliberation, the jury could not agree whether AI had crossed the threshold of emotional literacy, splitting between cautious optimism and skeptical refusal to certify."

Case No. № 33E7 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI know when to be quiet?

⚖ In Research

"The jury found itself tangled in the paradox of the question, unable to agree whether silence could ever be “known” by an algorithm when human ears still struggle to interpret it."

Case No. № EFF5 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI pick a christmas gift your mother will actually love?

⚖ Almost

"The jury reached a near-unanimous stalemate, with only one juror leaning toward “almost” after determining that while an AI can mine preferences and suggest options with eerie prec…"

Case No. № 5E0A Jul 3, 2026

Can AI pass turn-based interaction turing tests for 5-minute windows?

⚖ Almost

"After weighing testimony that today’s large language models can sail through short, tightly scripted Turing-style exchanges while still stumbling when the wind shifts or the topic …"

Case No. № 8824 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI drive a car safely through complex urban environments?

⚖ Almost

"After careful deliberation, the jury returned a near-unanimous verdict of ALMOST, finding that while autonomous vehicles can navigate controlled urban environments with impressive …"

Case No. № 56BF Jul 3, 2026

Can AI detect counterfeit currency via image?

⚖ Yes

"The jury swiftly sided with the affirmative, finding that AI’s sharp eye for detail makes it a capable sleuth against deceptive currency—provided the notes are clean and the lighting is right."

Case No. № C13E Jul 3, 2026

Can AI generate empathetic-sounding text replies?

⚖ Yes

"The jury unanimously found that large language models can summon tones of empathy from their vast lexicons, rendering replies that often sound caring under carefully curated condit…"

Case No. № 0DA4 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI win a go match against the world champion?

⚖ Yes

"The jury returned a unanimous verdict in favor of today’s proposition, finding that artificial intelligence has indeed ascended to the summit of competitive Go."

Case No. № 8ED1 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI translate asl video to english text in research conditions?

⚖ Almost

"The jury concluded that ASL-to-English translation has made remarkable strides in controlled settings, where gestures are clear and vocabulary is limited, but still stumbles when c…"

Case No. № 6D40 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI generate working unit tests from a description of intent?

⚖ Yes

"With a rare moment of unanimity, the jury found that current AI can reliably transform plain intent into working unit tests, citing Copilot and other code-savvy models as living proof."

Case No. № 1C04 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI generate court-ready first-draft contracts for common transactions?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found no fault with the AI’s contract drafting, noting that it reliably converts plain-language descriptions into legally coherent first drafts without human prompting."

Case No. № E75A Jul 3, 2026

Can AI compose a fugue in the style of bach?

⚖ Almost

"After careful consideration, the jury found that while artificial intelligence can mimic the intricate counterpoint and tonal architecture of a Bach fugue, it stumbles in sustainin…"

Case No. № 00A9 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI write a passable sonnet in the style of shakespeare?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found, with unanimous delight, that while today’s models may not feel the heartache of a Stratford sonneteer, they can still craft fourteen iambic lines that rhyme and sca…"

Case No. № DFF6 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI generate a realistic deepfake video of a public figure speaking?

⚖ Yes

"After hearing compelling evidence, the jury unanimously agreed that AI has reached the capability to generate realistic deepfake videos of public figures with remarkable fidelity."

Case No. № 7344 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI solve riddle problems that require multi-step lateral thinking?

⚖ Yes

"Though the jury was unanimous, their speed disguised their deliberation—these models don’t just solve lateral puzzles, they sprint through logical mazes like scholars chasing footnotes."

Case No. № D42B Jul 3, 2026

Can AI recognise emotions in faces at coarse-grained level?

⚖ Yes

"After thoughtful deliberation, the jury found that current AI systems can already recognize emotions in faces at a coarse-grained level with impressive accuracy and scope, confirmi…"

Case No. № 3DBB Jul 3, 2026

Can AI beat the world's top humans at heads-up no-limit poker?

⚖ Yes

"The jury, swayed by the dazzling performance of Pluribus and its successors, delivered a unanimous nod of approval, finding that AI has indeed mastered the bluff, the bet, and the …"

Case No. № C5D6 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI read handwriting in 50+ scripts?

⚖ Yes

"With near-unanimity, the jury found the question answered in the affirmative: today’s machine eyes can decipher more scripts than many human scholars ever studied, and they do so w…"

Case No. № 75B2 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI write fan fiction in any author's voice?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the task well within the AI’s current capabilities, noting that today’s models can spin convincing fan fiction in another writer’s voice with barely a prompt to go o…"

Case No. № 5FD4 Jul 3, 2026

Can AI predict the 3d structure of any protein from its amino acid sequence?

⚖ Yes

"The jury delivered a unanimous verdict, convinced by decades of benchmarks and recent breakthroughs that AI has mastered the protein-folding courtroom."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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