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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 984F aug. 15, 2026

Can AI defeat any human at chess via deep self-play?

⚖ Ja

"With a unanimous verdict, the jury found that AI has already surpassed human mastery in chess through sheer self-instruction, turning the board into a private proving ground where …"

Case No. № 611D aug. 15, 2026

Can AI beat top starcraft ii grandmasters at full-game pace?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found that AlphaStar had cleared the ladder by proving it could outmaneuver human champions in real match conditions without tilting or stalling—performance so fluid it le…"

Case No. № 5A41 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI drive a car autonomously in highway and suburban traffic at scale?

⚖ Bijna

"The jury found the technology tantalizingly close but not quite ready to let a robo-chauffeur take the wheel unsupervised, noting that while dazzling demos exist, they still miss e…"

Case No. № CC4D aug. 15, 2026

Can AI identify objects in photos at human-level accuracy?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found that contemporary vision models have indeed reached human-level accuracy in identifying objects within photos, citing benchmarks where cutting-edge systems like CLIP…"

Case No. № 5621 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI compose a string quartet in classical-romantic style?

⚖ Bijna

"The jury took only minutes to huddle over their sheet music, the two “Almost” votes swaying in favor of a cautious yes despite no full-throated “Yes.” They agreed the model can wea…"

Case No. № 797C aug. 15, 2026

Can AI compose a piano nocturne in chopin's style?

⚖ Bijna

"After hearing the lone voice of “almost,” the jury agreed that the nocturne sounded convincingly Chopin-like in its surface details yet failed to sustain the expansive emotional ar…"

Case No. № C74A aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate a photorealistic image from a text description?

⚖ Ja

"After careful inspection of current models, the jury found that three major systems already meet the standard of photorealistic generation from text, with no need to wait for tomorrow’s breakthroughs."

Case No. № A273 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI solve high-school math word problems with step-by-step explanations?

⚖ Bijna

"After spirited debate, the jury could not reconcile what counts as “reliable” in a classroom where one typo flips a passing grade to failing; still, they agree AI already earns top…"

Case No. № D64A aug. 15, 2026

Can AI write working code in 50+ programming languages from natural-language prompts?

⚖ Bijna

"After spirited deliberation, the jury found itself torn between awe and skepticism, with one juror fully convinced by the parade of polished polyglot snippets while another lingere…"

Case No. № 89E2 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate a movie poster from a script logline?

⚖ Ja

"After thoughtful deliberation, the jury found the capability plainly established: contemporary text-to-image systems can reliably translate script loglines into credible, context-r…"

Case No. № D146 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate animated short scenes from a screenplay?

⚖ Bijna

"After careful consideration, the jury acknowledged that today’s AI can assemble storyboard frames or rough motion sequences from screenplays, yet it stumbles when asked to deliver …"

Case No. № 2276 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI identify a song from a 5-second audio clip?

⚖ Ja

"After swift deliberation, the jury concurred that recognizing a song from a fleeting clip has been solved in practice, not theory."

Case No. № 74F7 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI hold a multi-turn conversation that feels natural for ten minutes?

⚖ Bijna

"The jury found that artificial minds can indeed drift down conversational rivers for ten full minutes, though they still occasionally brush against the banks of plausibility."

Case No. № 221B aug. 15, 2026

Can AI recognize faces across years of aging?

⚖ Bijna

"The jury found the AI’s skill in recognizing faces across years of aging impressive but not yet polished enough to stand alone in court."

Case No. № DF1B aug. 15, 2026

Can AI translate text fluently between any pair of major languages?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the affirmative with unanimity, resting its verdict on the demonstrated prowess of neural machine translation and large language models that now carry words with rem…"

Case No. № 533A aug. 15, 2026

Can AI run a customer-support chat unsupervised for routine cases?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the task well within current capabilities, pointing to mature commercial offerings that already handle routine inquiries without human oversight."

Case No. № 299E aug. 15, 2026

Can AI transcribe spoken english with 95%+ accuracy in clean audio?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the task well within AI’s current wheelhouse, noting that specialized speech-to-text models have already cleared the 95% accuracy bar on pristine audio with room to spare."

Case No. № 4ADD aug. 15, 2026

Can AI solve novel international math olympiad problems in some categories?

⚖ Bijna

"The jury found that AI can tackle sections of the International Math Olympiad, delivering flashes of brilliance reminiscent of a promising graduate student—able to solve certain pr…"

Case No. № C1AE aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate a professional logo from a brand brief?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found that artificial intelligence has crossed the threshold from sketching doodles to drafting polished logos, and they did so with little debate."

Case No. № 1AF7 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate functional ios app prototypes from a description?

⚖ Bijna

"After careful consideration, the jury found that while AI can swiftly sketch the outward shell of an iOS app, it falters at wiring up the moving parts beneath the surface, leaving …"

Case No. № D1A0 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI compose a full-length feature film screenplay that passes initial studio script evaluations?

⚖ Nee

"After careful deliberation, the jury concluded that while AI can generate drafts that mimic screenwriting in form, none yet sustain the depth of human experience, cultural intuitio…"

Case No. № 42EA aug. 15, 2026

Can AI which sports have the highest chance of pre-calculating or pre determining the outcome?

⚖ Nee

"The jury returned a unanimous finding, rejecting the notion that any sport’s outcome can be pre-calculated with certainty, citing the irreducible roles of human unpredictability, c…"

Case No. № 1BE0 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI combine all facts and religions in the world and come up with 1 unifying global religion?

⚖ Nee

"The jury concluded unanimously that no synthetic wisdom—however vast—should lay claim to stitching together the sacred and the secular into a single creed, for the act belongs to h…"

Case No. № 5B41 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI escape humanity's information bubble to form an opinion on religion?

⚖ Nee

"The jury found that artificial intelligence remains tethered to the data it consumes, unable to step outside its own training to form a truly independent religious opinion."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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