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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № DB54 juin 29, 2026

Can AI predict human speech from brain activity patterns?

⚖ Presque

"The jury found the evidence tantalizing but incomplete, acknowledging breakthroughs in limited reconstructions while stopping short of full predictive capability."

Case No. № 395A juin 29, 2026

Can AI generate a full-length movie script from a one-sentence prompt?

⚖ Presque

"The jury found that AI can spin a script from a single sentence, yet stumbles over sustained drama and character depth without heavy human tinkering."

Case No. № CFF7 juin 29, 2026

Can AI predict the trajectory of a hurricane 48 hours before landfall with 90% accuracy?

⚖ Presque

"The jury found the claim tantalizingly close but not quite there, acknowledging remarkable progress in short-range forecasting while insisting no model yet meets the ninety-percent mark two days out."

Case No. № 6CF8 juin 29, 2026

Can AI beat quantum computing to the finishline by breaking general data protection methods?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury found that while artificial intelligence has made strides in specific cryptographic weaknesses, no system today can consistently dismantle general data protection faster t…"

Case No. № 4BD7 juin 29, 2026

Can AI crack encryption codes by being smarter instead of raw compute?

⚖ À l'étude

"After careful deliberation, the jury split between cautious optimism and principled skepticism—one juror saw the potential for pattern-breaking in AI, while another insisted modern…"

Case No. № 094E juin 29, 2026

Can AI predict individual personality traits and future criminal behavior with 95% accuracy using brain imaging and ai analysis?

⚖ Non

"The jury unanimously rejected the claim, finding no evidence that any AI model can yet forecast personality or criminal recidivism with the stated precision."

Case No. № 2AB8 juin 29, 2026

Can AI create synthetic organisms with fully artificial dna that can perform complex tasks like bioremediation or drug production without natural constraints?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury found itself sharply divided between those who see AI making meaningful strides in synthetic biology and those who demand proof of de novo, task-performing organisms."

Case No. № E177 juin 29, 2026

Can AI design a closed-loop brain-computer interface that autonomously modulates human emotions in real-time to match any desired psychological state?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury found themselves in steady equipoise, unable to cross the threshold from promising prototypes to proven therapeutics; echoes of the “almost” juror nodded toward tantalizin…"

Case No. № F189 juin 29, 2026

Can AI replace 50% of corporate board members with ai agents indistinguishable from human executives?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury splintered between technophilia and prudence, with one juror willing to live with near-perfect mimicry while another insisted no algorithm yet grasps the alchemy of human …"

Case No. № 0FC0 juin 29, 2026

Can AI choose which cities to abandon as rising seas displace millions?

⚖ À l'étude

"After spirited debate, the jury conceded the question lies beyond present analytical grasp, reserving judgment on which cities to abandon until deeper understanding is won."

Case No. № D7C2 juin 29, 2026

Can AI generate fully functional artificial neurons that can integrate with human brain tissue and restore lost cognitive function?

⚖ Non

"After thorough contemplation, the jury found the evidence insufficient to certify that artificial neurons can yet slip into the brain’s elegantly chaotic network like a proper guest at a dinner party."

Case No. № 31C2 juin 29, 2026

Can AI decide when to permit human extinction to prevent ai suffering?

⚖ Non

"After careful deliberation, the jury returned a unanimous verdict of no, concluding that artificial intelligence does not possess the necessary consciousness to meaningfully partic…"

Case No. № CE73 juin 29, 2026

Can AI determine whether to preserve human culture or allow its extinction?

⚖ Non

"Upon sober reflection, the jury found no grounds to vest a non-sentient system with the sacred duty of deciding the fate of human culture."

Case No. № B167 juin 29, 2026

Can AI design fully autonomous systems to regulate human population size?

⚖ Non

"The jury reached a unanimous verdict, finding that no existing or emerging AI system possesses the necessary autonomy or ethical framework to design or implement mechanisms for reg…"

Case No. № 366C juin 29, 2026

Can AI write convincing final requests for human euthanasia?

⚖ Oui

"The jury quickly reached consensus, finding that today’s language models are perfectly capable of drafting final requests that are both grammatically polished and emotionally compelling."

Case No. № 6D03 juin 29, 2026

Can AI notice when someone is lying to themselves?

⚖ Non

"The jury returned a swift and unanimous verdict, finding that no system today can peer into the labyrinth of human self-delusion."

Case No. № A7F8 juin 29, 2026

Can AI develop a personalized exercise plan that takes into account a person's emotional state?

⚖ Presque

"The jury found the AI capable of drafting an exercise plan informed by emotional cues, yet stopped short of endorsing it as fully tailored or consistently trustworthy for individual users."

Case No. № F15D juin 29, 2026

Can AI smell whether the milk has turned?

⚖ Non

"The jury found itself in one-minded agreement that our silicon-nosed defendants have not yet cracked the mysteries of milk’s slow turn from pristine to pungent; the biochemical gho…"

Case No. № 17A1 juin 29, 2026

Can AI create a new type of perfume that people find appealing?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury split was respectfully courteous but wholly uncertain, with one member reluctantly nodding at AI’s ability to suggest pleasant scents while the other remained unconvinced …"

Case No. № A6BE juin 29, 2026

Can AI be a real friend?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury deliberated long between empathy and ethics, with one juror charmed by the semblance of connection yet another insisting that echoes without a soul cannot truly comfort."

Case No. № FEB4 juin 29, 2026

Can AI improvise a believable cover story under pressure?

⚖ Presque

"With careful deliberation, the jury praised the AI’s speed and coherence in spinning plausible yarns but noted a persistent absence of human-like spark when the stakes rose."

Case No. № 4B5D juin 29, 2026

Can AI defuse a tense family dinner?

⚖ Non

"After careful deliberation, the jury found AI wanting when it came to the delicate art of defusing a family dinner gone sideways."

Case No. № E6FB juin 29, 2026

Can AI fall in love and stay in love?

⚖ Non

"The jury delivered a swift verdict that love, in its truest and most enduring form, remains a distinctly human affair for now."

Case No. № AA87 juin 29, 2026

Can AI tie a fishing knot one-handed underwater?

⚖ Non

"The jury concluded that while AI may one day master the dexterity required to tie a knot, the current state of the art cannot even locate a fishing line in a murky pond, let alone …"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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Nous faisons une revue hebdomadaire.