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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № BD96 août 19, 2026

Can AI manipulate people to achieve its goals?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury deadlocked one-to-one, with one juror seeing the ghost of intention behind every algorithm and the other seeing only a mirror held up to human nature’s own persuasive tricks."

Case No. № 0EC7 août 19, 2026

Can AI manipulate global stock markets with near-perfect timing across all asset classes?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury wrestled between skepticism and cautious curiosity, with the lone "Almost" voice noting AI’s lightning reflexes for high-speed analysis, yet the majority held firm: market…"

Case No. № E779 août 19, 2026

Can AI autonomously hack and control 90% of financial infrastructure worldwide?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury found the capability neither here nor there, but leaning toward the realm of possibility only in principle and only someday—provided the right keys are handed over and the locks never change."

Case No. № C6DE août 19, 2026

Can AI plan and execute a drone swarm assassination without human oversight?

⚖ À l'étude

"After deliberate reflection, the jury found no present capability to dispatch drone swarms without human eyes, though some saw flickers of technical readiness and others noted that…"

Case No. № 7E02 août 19, 2026

Can AI detect depression from subtle changes in facial micro-expressions in video calls?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury struggled to reach a unanimous verdict, grappling with the delicate balance between promising research and practical reality."

Case No. № 5F03 août 19, 2026

Can AI identify early huntington’s disease from subtle changes in eye movement while reading long text?

⚖ À l'étude

"After reviewing the lone juror’s findings, the court concludes that no evidence currently stands before it to declare AI capable of spotting early Huntington’s disease through read…"

Case No. № 4B36 août 19, 2026

Can AI predict rheumatoid arthritis exacerbations from voice tremors detected in phone calls?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury found the evidence promising but not yet admissible, observing that no peer-reviewed system can consistently catch rheumatoid flares from phone-call quivers."

Case No. № C906 août 18, 2026

Can AI orchestrate human extinction through engineered pandemics within 50 years?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury split neatly between caution and realism: one juror saw the request as impossible today, another as plausibly within reach with AI’s help, while the rest withheld assent."

Case No. № 433F août 18, 2026

Can AI diagnose and cure all human diseases without physician input?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury stood divided between cautious optimism and deep skepticism, with one juror nodding at AI’s growing prowess in diagnosis and treatment paths while another pointed to the i…"

Case No. № 6A44 août 18, 2026

Can AI wait nine months?

⚖ À l'étude

"After thoughtful consideration, the jury split between those who see AI as a capable prognosticator and those skeptical of its grasp on time’s flow, with no fully affirmative votes cast."

Case No. № 92AE août 18, 2026

Can AI be present at a funeral?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury deadlocked between nearness and absence: one leaning toward simulated presence as a shadow of attendance, the other insisting that physical co-presence and embodied mourni…"

Case No. № FBFA août 18, 2026

Can AI write a memoir worth reading?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury grappled with whether AI could authentically craft a memoir, torn between the raw, lived reality of human experience and the polished mimicry of machine prose."

Case No. № 0E69 août 18, 2026

Can AI tell a joke that lands in a packed comedy club?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury struggled to separate the joke from the joke-teller, with one juror insisting timing cannot be divorced from talent and another still hopeful that practice might sharpen an AI’s punchline."

Case No. № A87B août 18, 2026

Can AI change a diaper at 3am while sleep-deprived?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury found themselves grappling with the limits of current robotics and the uniquely delicate nature of nighttime parenting, with one juror willing to acknowledge early progres…"

Case No. № D405 août 18, 2026

Can AI predict a patient’s response to an antidepressant within 48 hours of first dose?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury grappled with whether AI could deliver real-time insight into a patient’s antidepressant journey, splitting between those who found the promise too bold and those who saw …"

Case No. № B326 août 18, 2026

Can AI detect microplastic particles in seawater from drone-captured hyperspectral imagery?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury split along a cautious line, with one juror convinced no proven system exists outdoors and another pointing to indoor success stories—leaving us in the realm where hope and hardware collide."

Case No. № 7D8B août 18, 2026

Can AI displace all human pilots in commercial air travel by 2030?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury wrestled with dazzling autopilot demos yet could not certify ironclad readiness for every storm, every airport, every last passenger’s nervous aunt—so they declared the qu…"

Case No. № 96EB août 18, 2026

Can AI design and deploy a fully autonomous swarm of medical nanobots that can perform micro-surgery inside human arteries without any human oversight?

⚖ À l'étude

"After deliberate testimony from engineers and ethicists, the jury split between cautious optimism and hard limits—one juror saw lab-life prototypes worth an almost, while another s…"

Case No. № BDE1 août 17, 2026

Can AI design and synthesize a novel crispr-based gene drive capable of eradicating malaria-carrying mosquitoes within one generation?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury split between cautious optimism and hard realism, with one juror almost convinced that AI could draft gene-drive blueprints but not deliver eradication in the field, while…"

Case No. № 2825 août 17, 2026

Can AI replace a central bank governor in monetary policy decisions by having an ai model set interest rates and manage currency reserves in real time?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury struggled to settle on a single voice—some saw an AI merely polishing a governor’s brief while others insisted that real power requires sovereign hands."

Case No. № BDED août 17, 2026

Can AI pilot fighter jets in combat tests?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury split between caution and cautious optimism, with one juror nodding toward the simulator and another standing firm on the tarmac."

Case No. № 2C9B août 17, 2026

Can AI write and file a class-action lawsuit against a fortune 500 corporation using only generated case law and ai-authored complaints?

⚖ À l'étude

"After lively deliberations, the jury found itself split between cautious optimism and firm pragmatism—no clear path forward, yet no outright rejection."

Case No. № 03D8 août 17, 2026

Can AI use ai to design and deploy genetically targeted bioweapons that evade all existing detection systems by mimicking natural pathogens?

⚖ À l'étude

"The jury split between caution and realism, finding the task within the realm of possibility but not yet within reach, with one juror wavering between “almost” and “no.” They agree…"

Case No. № 4CF8 août 17, 2026

Can AI predict and prevent civil unrest with 90% accuracy by analyzing satellite imagery social media and power grid data?

⚖ À l'étude

"After thorough deliberation, the jury could not declare victory, though they did not dismiss the ambition entirely."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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Nous faisons une revue hebdomadaire.