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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 6923 sie 18, 2026

Can AI execute a hostile cyber takeover of a nation’s power grid by exploiting zero-day vulnerabilities identified and weaponized by an ai agent in under 72 hours?

⚖ Nie

"After solemn deliberation, the jury found no credible evidence that any existing AI can independently seize control of a nation’s power grid within three days."

Case No. № A3ED sie 18, 2026

Can AI design and deploy gene drives in wild mosquito populations to eradicate malaria within a decade using ai-optimized crispr constructs?

⚖ Nie

"The jury delivered a unanimous verdict of NO, finding that no AI system today has proven capable of end-to-end design and real-world deployment of gene drives in wild mosquito popu…"

Case No. № 6463 sie 18, 2026

Can AI replace 60% of pharmaceutical r&d by designing and testing new drugs in silico using generative chemistry and predictive toxicity models?

⚖ Prawie

"After hearing sober testimony from chemists and regulators, the jury concluded that while generative chemistry and predictive toxicity models can shoulder a large share of early di…"

Case No. № AE31 sie 18, 2026

Can AI autonomously audit and file tax returns for 10 million small businesses without human intervention by integrating with accounting databases and tax codes?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found no credible path for an AI to audit and file tax returns for ten million small businesses without human oversight; current systems still stumble over the complexity …"

Case No. № DD55 sie 18, 2026

Can AI ai systems predict and manipulate cryptocurrency market sentiment so accurately they destabilize national currencies without triggering regulatory defenses?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found no evidence that any current AI system can predict or manipulate cryptocurrency market sentiment with the precision or power to destabilize national currencies, nor …"

Case No. № CDCD sie 18, 2026

Can AI outcompete humans for every job by 2040?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found no credible claim that artificial intelligence would claim every human employment niche by 2040, citing the persistent chasm between narrow mastery and general human versatility."

Case No. № 433F sie 18, 2026

Can AI diagnose and cure all human diseases without physician input?

⚖ W badaniu

"The jury stood divided between cautious optimism and deep skepticism, with one juror nodding at AI’s growing prowess in diagnosis and treatment paths while another pointed to the i…"

Case No. № F674 sie 18, 2026

Can AI create self-replicating von neumann probes to colonize the galaxy?

⚖ Nie

"After careful deliberation, the jury concluded that while AI shows promise in many domains, no existing system has yet demonstrated the engineering mastery required to design and d…"

Case No. № AB0F sie 18, 2026

Can AI determine which human behaviors should be biologically enhanced?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found itself in unanimous agreement that deciding which human behaviors should be biologically enhanced remains firmly beyond current AI capabilities, lacking both the nua…"

Case No. № 1024 sie 18, 2026

Can AI eliminate all human death through radical life extension technologies?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found no evidence that artificial intelligence has yet unlocked the secrets of eternal life, not even a glimmer on today’s lab bench."

Case No. № 0337 sie 18, 2026

Can AI read a contract and feel where the trap is?

⚖ Prawie

"After careful review, the jury found that while artificial intelligence can partially sniff out the legal snares buried in contracts, it still stumbles when the wording turns poacher-poet."

Case No. № 4370 sie 18, 2026

Can AI choose between two children to save?

⚖ Nie

"The jury swiftly returned a unanimous “no,” finding that artificial intelligence today lacks the moral reasoning and existential judgment required to choose between lives—nor, they…"

Case No. № F310 sie 18, 2026

Can AI make a decision that balances individual interests with the greater good in a complex, real-world scenario?

⚖ Prawie

"The jury finds the tool capable of sketching the landscape of consequences with impressive clarity, yet hesitates to entrust it with the final moral compass."

Case No. № F037 sie 18, 2026

Can AI make eye contact that means something?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found without dissent that AI’s gaze remains a puppet show of code, not a human exchange of souls through the eyes."

Case No. № 7D3E sie 18, 2026

Can AI sit with someone who is grieving?

⚖ Nie

"The jury concluded that while AI can mimic sympathy, it has not yet mastered the quiet, human presence needed to sit with grief."

Case No. № 4A32 sie 18, 2026

Can AI diagnose a rare medical condition based on a patient's symptoms and medical history?

⚖ Prawie

"The jury found the AI’s diagnostic prowess both impressive and imperfect, landing squarely on “almost” with a single vote—underscoring that while it can flag the rare like a season…"

Case No. № B3B3 sie 18, 2026

Can AI decide whether a piece of artwork is a parody or a genuine work of art?

⚖ Prawie

"The jury acknowledged that artificial intelligence has made meaningful strides in parsing visual cues and intent, yet stopped short of granting full artistic jurisdiction, finding …"

Case No. № 4181 sie 18, 2026

Can AI develop a new scientific theory that explains a previously unexplained phenomenon?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found itself in swift and unanimous agreement that today’s AI, though capable of crunching vast datasets and spotting patterns, still requires the guiding hand of human in…"

Case No. № 0BF1 sie 18, 2026

Can AI hold a grudge for forty years and let it go?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found itself in unanimous agreement that today’s AI cannot truly hold a grudge—let alone let it go—for it lacks the seething, stubborn, and ultimately human core of long-simmering resentment."

Case No. № 9B2D sie 18, 2026

Can AI walk a dog and read its mood?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found that while artificial systems may detect a bark or pace, they cannot yet decipher the quiet tilt of an ear or the slow blink that signifies canine contentment, nor c…"

Case No. № 0C8B sie 18, 2026

Can AI negotiate a salary you don't deserve?

⚖ Nie

"The jury found no cause for celebration in this particular salary dance, citing the curious lack of any documented instance where an AI system managed to negotiate its way into a p…"

Case No. № 2F2F sie 18, 2026

Can AI apologize and mean it?

⚖ Prawie

"After careful deliberation, the jury found itself split between the mechanical and the meaningful, with one juror convinced that simulated regret could pass for conscience and anot…"

Case No. № A06B sie 18, 2026

Can AI be the only adult in the room?

⚖ Nie

"Having weighed the evidence with no dissent among the jurors, the court finds that artificial intelligence remains a prodigious student of adulting but has not yet secured the diploma of presence."

Case No. № F3CB sie 18, 2026

Can AI transcribe and translate endangered languages with 6 hours of data?

⚖ Prawie

"The jury found the task tantalizingly within reach, but not yet fully delivered."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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