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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № D216 aug. 18, 2026

Can AI track individual bees within a hive using computer vision and predict their roles?

⚖ Da

"After carefully weighing the evidence, the jury found that computer vision has matured enough to follow each striped citizen through the hive and forecast its job with surprising a…"

Case No. № 85F1 aug. 18, 2026

Can AI help in the grieving process by turning old emails photos videos and text messages from the deceased into a personalised chatbot?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the concept of AI-powered personalized chatbots for grieving wholly convincing, unanimously agreeing that when trained on a loved one’s digital legacy, today’s model…"

Case No. № E28F aug. 18, 2026

Can AI replicate human laughter with 95% perceived authenticity in a short audio clip?

⚖ Da

"After careful listening and deliberation, the jury found that AI has crossed the threshold of replicating human laughter with near-authentic precision in short audio clips."

Case No. № 59E1 aug. 18, 2026

Can AI make videos from photos of deceased partners?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that today’s generative systems can coax a flicker of life from a still portrait—turning yesterday’s still frame into today’s whispering farewell—yet they stopped sh…"

Case No. № 47DE aug. 18, 2026

Can AI translate ancient languages?

⚖ Da

"After careful consideration of the evidence, the jury unanimously declared that artificial intelligence has proven capable of translating ancient languages with surprising fidelity…"

Case No. № 9B80 aug. 18, 2026

Can AI create addictive experiences?

⚖ Da

"The jury found AI already excels at crafting ever-tighter feedback loops—think endless scrolls tuned to your sigh, or chatbots that nudge “just one more prompt” like dealers with a free sample."

Case No. № 8548 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI generate realistic animal sounds?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that current AI systems have crossed the evolutionary threshold into credible zoological mimicry, rendering the question moot with a single, unanimous chirp."

Case No. № 057B aug. 17, 2026

Can AI beat world champions at poker?

⚖ Da

"After considering the decisive performances of systems like Pluribus and DeepStack against elite human opposition, the jury found that artificial cognition has truly mastered the a…"

Case No. № C442 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI simulate human conversation deeply?

⚖ Da

"The jury moved swiftly and unanimously, convinced that today’s large language models have passed the Turing café test with flying colors—holding coherent, context-rich conversation…"

Case No. № CEF2 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI predict protein structures?

⚖ Da

"With unanimous fervor, the jury returned a clear verdict: protein folding has surrendered to machine precision, its once-labyrinthine paths now retraced with unerring speed."

Case No. № E154 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI generate realistic human voices?

⚖ Da

"After examining the evidence, the jury found the claims of AI-generated realistic human voices persuasively substantiated by the quality and naturalness of modern text-to-speech systems."

Case No. № 600B aug. 17, 2026

Can AI create photorealistic fake humans?

⚖ Da

"The jury found no ambiguity in the question, allowing AI to step confidently into the spotlight as a creator of photorealistic human illusions."

Case No. № 38B7 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI predict protein folding structures from amino acid sequences?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the evidence overwhelming that AI has already crossed the folding finish line—AlphaFold and its successors now routinely deliver near-experimental accuracy, leaving …"

Case No. № E8B4 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI explain a complex scientific theory to a child?

⚖ Da

"The jury quickly found consensus, agreeing that large language models can indeed translate dense scientific concepts into gentle, age-appropriate stories and metaphors."

Case No. № 8596 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI decipher enigma code?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that while no single AI could crack every Enigma cipher without guidance, modern systems can outperform classical methods when given sufficient samples, proving thei…"

Case No. № 96C1 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI invent a new coded form of communication that only 2 people can understand?

⚖ Da

"The jury swiftly concurred that large language models can indeed conjure bespoke cipher schemes and secret handshakes tailor-made for two minds alone."

Case No. № 3F98 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI detect certain diseases by looking at images of skin?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the evidence compelling, noting that tested machine-learning models now rival trained dermatologists at spotting malignancies and rashes from snapshots alone."

Case No. № 7D38 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI help someone to self-reflect on their character traits by analysing conversations?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the proposition overwhelmingly persuasive, declaring that when conversation becomes a looking glass, AI can hold it steady enough to reflect what’s within."

Case No. № B5B7 aug. 17, 2026

Can AI detect certain diseases by looking at images of eyes?

⚖ Da

"The jury swiftly returned a unanimous verdict, swayed by clear evidence that artificial intelligence can now peer into the retina with the precision of a seasoned ophthalmologist, …"

Case No. № A5FB aug. 16, 2026

Can AI generate a scent profile for a new perfume that appeals to a specific demographic?

⚖ Da

"After careful consideration, the jury unanimously agreed that AI systems possess the tools to craft scent profiles tailored to a precise demographic, leveraging molecular databases…"

Case No. № B155 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI improvise a conversation with a human in a way that is indistinguishable from a conversation with another human?

⚖ Da

"After careful consideration, the jury found that today’s most capable large language models can indeed sustain a conversation so natural that human participants struggle to disting…"

Case No. № 5EB0 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI understand the nuances of human humor and create a comedic character that resonates with a wide audience?

⚖ Da

"After lively deliberation, the jury reached a unanimous verdict, noting that today’s AI can not only parse the layers of a joke but also cast itself in a role that lands with crowds."

Case No. № 8D4C aug. 16, 2026

Can AI create a recipe for a new dessert that combines flavors in a unique and appetizing way?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the AI’s dessert recipe not merely palatable but genuinely inventive, praising its bold yet balanced swirl of spiced mango and black sesame over whipped yogurt with …"

Case No. № A636 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI generate a realistic and engaging dialogue for a conversation between two historical figures?

⚖ Da

"After due deliberation, the jury found the AI capable of crafting historically plausible, personality-rich dialogue between figures of the past, holding that its ability to model v…"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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