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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № C219 elo 17, 2026

Can AI develop a cure for cancer?

⚖ Ei

"The jury returned a unanimous verdict of no, finding that while AI may illuminate pathways in oncology, none has yet forged a complete cure."

Case No. № DBF9 elo 17, 2026

Can AI predict mental health from social media?

⚖ Lähes

"The jury found that while AI can detect rough emotional patterns in social media with a cautious measure of success, it still stumbles when the human heart insists on throwing in a surprise twist."

Case No. № 8056 elo 17, 2026

Can AI predict stock prices with 90% accuracy?

⚖ Ei

"After sober deliberation, the jury found itself in complete accord: not a single juror could certify that any extant artificial intelligence could forecast stock prices with the promised precision."

Case No. № 8548 elo 17, 2026

Can AI generate realistic animal sounds?

⚖ Kyllä

"The jury found that current AI systems have crossed the evolutionary threshold into credible zoological mimicry, rendering the question moot with a single, unanimous chirp."

Case No. № 92F7 elo 17, 2026

Can AI create artificial general intelligence?

⚖ Ei

"The jury has spoken in unanimous decisiveness, finding no system yet capable of the broad, flexible human cognition that defines artificial general intelligence."

Case No. № 5E0A elo 17, 2026

Can AI autonomously negotiate the rights of future ai systems to exist or be terminated?

⚖ Ei

"The jury found no evidence that today’s AI systems possess the intent, agency, or moral compass to autonomously negotiate the existence or termination of other systems; without goa…"

Case No. № BDE1 elo 17, 2026

Can AI design and synthesize a novel crispr-based gene drive capable of eradicating malaria-carrying mosquitoes within one generation?

⚖ Tutkinnassa

"The jury split between cautious optimism and hard realism, with one juror almost convinced that AI could draft gene-drive blueprints but not deliver eradication in the field, while…"

Case No. № B0C7 elo 17, 2026

Can AI autonomously audit and certify the financial statements of a publicly traded company using ai to detect fraud and filing violations in real time?

⚖ Ei

"After sober deliberation the jury found no AI currently possesses the unblinking rigor and legal imprimatur required to stand as sole auditor of a public company’s books."

Case No. № 57E8 elo 17, 2026

Can AI become the sole interpreter of human dreams while sleepers remain unaware?

⚖ Ei

"The jury could not muster a single vote for a system that slips into the mind’s backstage while sleepers snore on, for the simple and stubborn reason that no dream decoder exists t…"

Case No. № 2825 elo 17, 2026

Can AI replace a central bank governor in monetary policy decisions by having an ai model set interest rates and manage currency reserves in real time?

⚖ Tutkinnassa

"The jury struggled to settle on a single voice—some saw an AI merely polishing a governor’s brief while others insisted that real power requires sovereign hands."

Case No. № 9715 elo 17, 2026

Can AI autonomously deploy drone swarms to target and neutralize enemy combatants based on facial recognition and behavior patterns without human authorization?

⚖ Ei

"The jury returned a unanimous and unequivocal verdict, finding that no present AI possesses the judgment or ethical safeguards to authorize lethal force unilaterally."

Case No. № 9EE5 elo 17, 2026

Can AI design and deploy a fully autonomous drone swarm that can independently hunt and assassinate high-value human targets with 100% accuracy?

⚖ Ei

"After sober reflection, the jury swiftly found no evidence that any machine—or machine swarm—can target a human with absolute precision outside the lab’s controlled gaze."

Case No. № B363 elo 17, 2026

Can AI make all major financial decisions for a fortune 500 company including mergers acquisitions and divestitures without human veto?

⚖ Ei

"After sober reflection, the lone juror concluded that no living artificial intelligence could be trusted to independently steer a Fortune 500 firm through the treacherous shoals of…"

Case No. № 5EE2 elo 17, 2026

Can AI control robots using plain language?

⚖ Lähes

"The jury deliberated with cautious optimism, granting a narrow but heartening near-victory to plain-language robot control."

Case No. № 1038 elo 17, 2026

Can AI forecast floods from satellite data?

⚖ Lähes

"The jury arrived at a measured almost-there verdict, recognizing that while operational systems now predict floods from space in real time, their reach is still patchy across the planet."

Case No. № 8247 elo 17, 2026

Can AI compose original symphonies?

⚖ Lähes

"The jury found that while artificial intelligence can certainly churn out movements and motifs reminiscent of symphonic grandeur, the spark of true artistic singularity still flick…"

Case No. № 4D35 elo 17, 2026

Can AI generate persuasive political propaganda?

⚖ Lähes

"After careful deliberation, the jury agreed that AI can craft political messages with precision but remains on the sidelines of true persuasion, lacking the volition to sway hearts on its own."

Case No. № 057B elo 17, 2026

Can AI beat world champions at poker?

⚖ Kyllä

"After considering the decisive performances of systems like Pluribus and DeepStack against elite human opposition, the jury found that artificial cognition has truly mastered the a…"

Case No. № C442 elo 17, 2026

Can AI simulate human conversation deeply?

⚖ Kyllä

"The jury moved swiftly and unanimously, convinced that today’s large language models have passed the Turing café test with flying colors—holding coherent, context-rich conversation…"

Case No. № CEF2 elo 17, 2026

Can AI predict protein structures?

⚖ Kyllä

"With unanimous fervor, the jury returned a clear verdict: protein folding has surrendered to machine precision, its once-labyrinthine paths now retraced with unerring speed."

Case No. № BE8B elo 17, 2026

Can AI read lips from silent video?

⚖ Lähes

"After careful deliberation, the jury acknowledged that AI can indeed lip-read from silent video with remarkable precision, but only when the stage lights are steady and the actors …"

Case No. № E154 elo 17, 2026

Can AI generate realistic human voices?

⚖ Kyllä

"After examining the evidence, the jury found the claims of AI-generated realistic human voices persuasively substantiated by the quality and naturalness of modern text-to-speech systems."

Case No. № BDED elo 17, 2026

Can AI pilot fighter jets in combat tests?

⚖ Tutkinnassa

"The jury split between caution and cautious optimism, with one juror nodding toward the simulator and another standing firm on the tarmac."

Case No. № 600B elo 17, 2026

Can AI create photorealistic fake humans?

⚖ Kyllä

"The jury found no ambiguity in the question, allowing AI to step confidently into the spotlight as a creator of photorealistic human illusions."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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