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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 984F čvc 3, 2026

Can AI defeat any human at chess via deep self-play?

⚖ Ano

"After a brisk deliberation, the jury found the feat already achieved, with no dissent to note—AlphaZero and its kin have long since crowned themselves grandmaster without a human in sight."

Case No. № 611D čvc 3, 2026

Can AI beat top starcraft ii grandmasters at full-game pace?

⚖ Ano

"The jury found, with unanimity and finality, that artificial intelligence has indeed conquered the digital battlefield, mastering the full StarCraft II experience at the highest hu…"

Case No. № CC4D čvc 3, 2026

Can AI identify objects in photos at human-level accuracy?

⚖ Ano

"After thorough deliberation, the jury agreed that today’s strongest image models can identify objects with accuracy rivaling human performance on standard tests."

Case No. № C74A čvc 3, 2026

Can AI generate a photorealistic image from a text description?

⚖ Ano

"With near-unanimous confidence, the jury found that modern text-to-image systems no longer merely hint at photorealism—they deliver it, day in and day out, across countless public platforms."

Case No. № A273 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI solve high-school math word problems with step-by-step explanations?

⚖ Ano

"The jury swiftly reached consensus, finding that language models reliably break down high-school math word problems into clear, logical steps—exactly the kind of patient tutoring a…"

Case No. № D64A čvc 3, 2026

Can AI write working code in 50+ programming languages from natural-language prompts?

⚖ Ano

"After ample deliberation, the jury found that today’s large language models can, with reasonable reliability, translate natural-language prompts into runnable code across fifty or …"

Case No. № 89E2 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI generate a movie poster from a script logline?

⚖ Ano

"The jury needed look no further than the lobby of any cineplex to see their answer glow on the marquee."

Case No. № 2276 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI identify a song from a 5-second audio clip?

⚖ Ano

"The jury found the matter settled with prompt precision: not a note out of place, not a beat misheard."

Case No. № 74F7 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI hold a multi-turn conversation that feels natural for ten minutes?

⚖ Ano

"The jury found the AI convincingly capable of sustaining a natural, multi-turn conversation, praising its ability to retain context and respond in fluid, human-like exchanges over …"

Case No. № DF1B čvc 3, 2026

Can AI translate text fluently between any pair of major languages?

⚖ Ano

"The jury found the task squarely within AI’s current capabilities, celebrating how large language models now deliver smooth, idiomatic translations across dozens of high-resource tongues."

Case No. № 533A čvc 3, 2026

Can AI run a customer-support chat unsupervised for routine cases?

⚖ Ano

"Having surveyed the roster of chatbots that already greet customers with polite, path-finding menus every hour of every day, the jurors concluded that routine customer-support tren…"

Case No. № 299E čvc 3, 2026

Can AI transcribe spoken english with 95%+ accuracy in clean audio?

⚖ Ano

"The jury did not deliberate long, finding the evidence overwhelming and uncontested: modern speech-to-text systems reliably turn clear spoken English into text with accuracy that m…"

Case No. № C1AE čvc 3, 2026

Can AI generate a professional logo from a brand brief?

⚖ Ano

"The jury swiftly reached a unanimous verdict, finding that artificial intelligence has indeed crossed the threshold into professional logo design—producing polished, brand-aligned …"

Case No. № F051 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI find meaningful patterns in brainwaves?

⚖ Ano

"The jury concluded with unanimous enthusiasm that AI can indeed tease out meaningful patterns from the tangled hum of brainwaves, citing decades of research where models like Deep4…"

Case No. № 8AC1 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI generate a personalized diet plan that optimizes for both health outcomes and user adherence?

⚖ Ano

"After careful deliberation, the jury found that artificial intelligence has already demonstrated the ability to craft diet plans tailored to individual needs while balancing health…"

Case No. № 4089 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI create new boardgames that can challenge human players?

⚖ Ano

"The jury found with unanimous confidence that AI today can design boardgames of depth and challenge, as demonstrated by systems that generate balanced rules, mechanics, and even ad…"

Case No. № B5E4 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI come up with new cocktails that taste good from the start?

⚖ Ano

"The jury moved with uncommon harmony, finding that today’s AI can indeed conjure cocktails that sing on the first sip, provided a human still stirs the glass."

Case No. № 3560 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI come up with an idea and create a small video game from scratch?

⚖ Ano

"After brief deliberation, the jury agreed that AI has crossed the threshold of being able to conceive and construct a rudimentary video game from nothing but a prompt, assembling c…"

Case No. № 7829 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI ai generate a custom social media deepfake video of a specific person saying anything?

⚖ Ano

"The jury swiftly agreed that AI has crossed the threshold into capable social mimicry, recognizing that today’s tools can stitch together a believable face and voice indistinguishable from reality."

Case No. № EC57 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI compose a 3-minute pop song with original melody and lyrics in under 60 seconds?

⚖ Ano

"The jury swiftly sided with the affirmative, finding that today’s AI not only meets but exceeds the brief—crafting three-minute pop anthems with fresh melodies and lyrics faster th…"

Case No. № 0EAB čvc 3, 2026

Can AI convert a photo to a chosen painting style?

⚖ Ano

"After careful consideration, the jury found that current AI systems can indeed transform photographs into chosen painting styles with consistency and high fidelity, citing both dif…"

Case No. № 3C52 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI generate album cover art from a song's mood?

⚖ Ano

"The jury found no fault in the machines’ muses, declaring that today’s AI can indeed distill a song’s mood into compelling cover art with speed and verve."

Case No. № 1101 čvc 3, 2026

Can AI identify hate speech in text at production scale?

⚖ Ano

"After hearing expert testimony on standardized benchmarks and real-world deployment, the jury unanimously agreed that current AI systems are capable of identifying hate speech at production scale."

Case No. № 3F19 čvc 2, 2026

Can AI solve standardized logic puzzles at top-percentile level?

⚖ Ano

"The jury found unanimously in favor of AI’s capability to solve standardized logic puzzles at top-percentile levels, citing concrete evidence of superhuman performance from systems…"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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