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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № B855 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI pilot a small drone autonomously through obstacles?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found that autonomous drone navigation has leapt from the lab bench to the racetrack, with off-the-shelf hardware already circling pylons faster than any human pilot."

Case No. № FFE5 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate functional podcast scripts from a topic outline?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found itself in uncharacteristic accord, concluding that podcast scripts are no match for the algorithm’s imagination once furnished with a sturdy outline."

Case No. № E547 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify dog breeds from photos at expert level?

⚖ Ja

"The jury was unanimous in finding that AI has surpassed human experts in the narrow task of dog breed identification from photographs, delivering precision that once required years…"

Case No. № 7635 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify plant species from leaf photographs?

⚖ Ja

"The jury concluded with unanimity that artificial intelligence has reached competent botanical discernment, at least where leaves pose for the camera."

Case No. № 0ABD Aug 14, 2026

Can AI solve a rubik's cube in under a second with a robot?

⚖ Ja

"The jury swiftly agreed that the Rubik’s Cube had been decisively conquered by machines, citing razor-sharp algorithms and precision robotics that can spin and settle the puzzle in mere moments."

Case No. № 1B0C Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate plausible synthetic training data for ml models?

⚖ Ja

"The jury swiftly delivered a unanimous verdict, finding that today’s generative systems already possess the acumen to craft plausible synthetic training data with statistical fidel…"

Case No. № 5D2C Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify a specific painting from a 100-pixel thumbnail?

⚖ Ja

"After lively deliberation, the jury sided with the affirmatives, though one juror demurred slightly with an "almost," acknowledging the thrill of recognition tempered by lingering …"

Case No. № 0117 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate animated character motion from a rough sketch?

⚖ Ja

"The jury moved with uncommon unity, persuaded by the parade of present-tense demonstrations where a single scribble leapt into walking, dancing life."

Case No. № 27ED Aug 14, 2026

Can AI detect fraudulent credit-card transactions in real time?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the AI more than capable of standing guard over every tap and swipe, after hearing how real-world watchdogs like Stripe Radar and Feedzai already outpace human opera…"

Case No. № E949 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI clone a voice convincingly from a 30-second sample?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the voice-cloning technology capable of producing a believable facsimile from a mere half-minute of audio, noting that widely available systems already meet the brie…"

Case No. № 9AA9 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify bird species from a 1-second audio clip?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the evidence persuasive and the performance convincing, agreeing that artificial intelligence can already distinguish between bird species from the briefest of vocal performances."

Case No. № 61F0 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI compose a pop song with verse, chorus, bridge, and full instrumentation?

⚖ Ja

"After careful consideration, the jury found that AI has crossed the threshold from novelty to novelty with staying power—generating pop songs complete with verses, choruses, bridge…"

Case No. № A350 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate a 50-word product blurb from a sku title?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the task well within AI’s current wheelhouse, noting that large language models can reliably distill SKU titles into snappy blurbs without breaking a sweat."

Case No. № D0C5 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI enhance development in babys by sounds or light patterns?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found merit in the infant enrichment petition, with two votes affirming and one cautious concurrence."

Case No. № 4E8D Aug 14, 2026

Can AI match people around the globe based on characteristics?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the AI’s capability to match people globally both feasible and already in practice, citing robust recommender systems and graph-based models that handle complex user profiles."

Case No. № EAAD Aug 14, 2026

Can AI enhance matchmaking between humans?

⚖ Ja

"After robust debate, the jury agreed that artificial intelligence has already begun reshaping human connections by crunching compatibility clues, with a solid two-thirds majority a…"

Case No. № B3DF Aug 14, 2026

Can AI compose a convincing ted talk in under 15 minutes from a 1-page topic outline?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found the case persuasive enough to return a unanimous verdict of yes, with one juror noting a lingering half-step of hesitation over whether the talk could fully match th…"

Case No. № 2ED9 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate a children's-book-quality illustration from a description?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found that today’s leading text-to-image models can deliver book-ready illustrations straight from a description, provided the prompt is clear and the style is mainstream."

Case No. № 0B9B Aug 14, 2026

Can AI beat trained humans at lip-reading?

⚖ Ja

"After lively deliberation, the jury found itself two votes to one in favor of recognizing AI supremacy in lip-reading, with the hesitant juror insisting the technology remains unev…"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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