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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 2AA0 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI outperform radiologists at certain tumor-detection benchmarks?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the evidence overwhelmingly persuasive after hearing testimony from both silicon and human experts."

Case No. № 77B2 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI land a rocket booster on a moving barge?

⚖ Yes

"After considering the testimony of controlled, autonomous descents with millimeter-level accuracy at sea, the jury found the feat not only achievable but already achieved."

Case No. № 12BB Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify depression markers in writing samples?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found that AI can indeed parse emotional nuance well enough to spot depression markers in writing, with both jurors agreeing that modern language models already meet the task."

Case No. № B855 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI pilot a small drone autonomously through obstacles?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found that autonomous drone navigation has leapt from the lab bench to the racetrack, with off-the-shelf hardware already circling pylons faster than any human pilot."

Case No. № FFE5 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate functional podcast scripts from a topic outline?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found itself in uncharacteristic accord, concluding that podcast scripts are no match for the algorithm’s imagination once furnished with a sturdy outline."

Case No. № E547 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify dog breeds from photos at expert level?

⚖ Yes

"The jury was unanimous in finding that AI has surpassed human experts in the narrow task of dog breed identification from photographs, delivering precision that once required years…"

Case No. № 7635 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify plant species from leaf photographs?

⚖ Yes

"The jury concluded with unanimity that artificial intelligence has reached competent botanical discernment, at least where leaves pose for the camera."

Case No. № 0ABD Aug 14, 2026

Can AI solve a rubik's cube in under a second with a robot?

⚖ Yes

"The jury swiftly agreed that the Rubik’s Cube had been decisively conquered by machines, citing razor-sharp algorithms and precision robotics that can spin and settle the puzzle in mere moments."

Case No. № 1B0C Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate plausible synthetic training data for ml models?

⚖ Yes

"The jury swiftly delivered a unanimous verdict, finding that today’s generative systems already possess the acumen to craft plausible synthetic training data with statistical fidel…"

Case No. № 5D2C Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify a specific painting from a 100-pixel thumbnail?

⚖ Yes

"After lively deliberation, the jury sided with the affirmatives, though one juror demurred slightly with an "almost," acknowledging the thrill of recognition tempered by lingering …"

Case No. № 0117 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate animated character motion from a rough sketch?

⚖ Yes

"The jury moved with uncommon unity, persuaded by the parade of present-tense demonstrations where a single scribble leapt into walking, dancing life."

Case No. № 27ED Aug 14, 2026

Can AI detect fraudulent credit-card transactions in real time?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the AI more than capable of standing guard over every tap and swipe, after hearing how real-world watchdogs like Stripe Radar and Feedzai already outpace human opera…"

Case No. № E949 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI clone a voice convincingly from a 30-second sample?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the voice-cloning technology capable of producing a believable facsimile from a mere half-minute of audio, noting that widely available systems already meet the brie…"

Case No. № 9AA9 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI identify bird species from a 1-second audio clip?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the evidence persuasive and the performance convincing, agreeing that artificial intelligence can already distinguish between bird species from the briefest of vocal performances."

Case No. № 61F0 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI compose a pop song with verse, chorus, bridge, and full instrumentation?

⚖ Yes

"After careful consideration, the jury found that AI has crossed the threshold from novelty to novelty with staying power—generating pop songs complete with verses, choruses, bridge…"

Case No. № A350 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI generate a 50-word product blurb from a sku title?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the task well within AI’s current wheelhouse, noting that large language models can reliably distill SKU titles into snappy blurbs without breaking a sweat."

Case No. № D0C5 Aug 14, 2026

Can AI enhance development in babys by sounds or light patterns?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found merit in the infant enrichment petition, with two votes affirming and one cautious concurrence."

Case No. № 4E8D Aug 14, 2026

Can AI match people around the globe based on characteristics?

⚖ Yes

"The jury found the AI’s capability to match people globally both feasible and already in practice, citing robust recommender systems and graph-based models that handle complex user profiles."

Case No. № EAAD Aug 14, 2026

Can AI enhance matchmaking between humans?

⚖ Yes

"After robust debate, the jury agreed that artificial intelligence has already begun reshaping human connections by crunching compatibility clues, with a solid two-thirds majority a…"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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