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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № DFEB May 15, 2026

Can AI predict climate-related crop failures a season in advance using satellite and weather data?

⚖ Almost

"The jury struggled to agree on the level of certainty, but all acknowledged that the evidence of progress is too compelling to deny entirely while too provisional to celebrate outright."

Case No. № 7527 May 15, 2026

Can AI mediate a conflict between two people with different cultural backgrounds and values?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found the machine capable of parsing cultural scripts, yet incapable of living through the weight of their consequences; it may whisper guidance, but not shoulder the load."

Case No. № B824 May 15, 2026

Can AI tell which child is lying?

⚖ Almost

"After spirited deliberation, the jury concluded that while artificial intelligence possesses keen ears and eyes, it still stumbles when asked to parse the rosy cheeks and tangled t…"

Case No. № 2AEB May 15, 2026

Can AI negotiate a salary increase for a human employee in a simulated corporate meeting?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that while AI can draft scripts and simulate negotiation lines, it lacks the lived authority and emotional nuance to close real salary deals."

Case No. № 9000 May 15, 2026

Can AI improvise a jazz solo indistinguishable from a human musician in a live performance?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found AI capable of crafting jazz solos that walk the tightrope between competence and credibility, yet still trips on the subtle wires of live imperfection, leaving human…"

Case No. № 6DCE May 15, 2026

Can AI write a short story that passes a blind literary critic's turing test for emotional depth?

⚖ Almost

"The jury agreed that AI writes with startling emotional fluency, yet stopped short of declaring any entry truly indistinguishable from a seasoned human pen."

Case No. № 7E02 May 15, 2026

Can AI detect depression from subtle changes in facial micro-expressions in video calls?

⚖ Almost

"After spirited deliberation, the jury could not quite hand down a full acquittal but likewise refused to convict outright, finding that AI can spot telltale flickers of emotion whe…"

Case No. № 9A4F May 15, 2026

Can AI predict individual stock market movements using alternative data like satellite images and credit card transactions?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found the evidence tantalizing but not yet conclusive, acknowledging flashes of predictive insight while cautioning that the markets remain stubbornly resistant to certainty."

Case No. № 8F38 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate human-like dialogue indistinguishable from real customer service agents in live chat?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that artificial intelligence can already produce dialogue so fluent and context-aware that it often slips past human scrutiny in live customer-service chats, though …"

Case No. № 67A1 May 15, 2026

Can AI detect deepfake videos with higher accuracy than human experts in real time?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found the AI’s edge over humans to be most convincing in the quiet confines of a lab, where clean data and careful tuning let its precision shine."

Case No. № F93F May 15, 2026

Can AI develop a system that can accurately predict a person's mental health based on their social media activity?

⚖ Almost

"The jury unanimously recognized that artificial intelligence can scrutinize social media patterns and, in controlled settings, detect mental-health indicators with moderate accurac…"

Case No. № 6434 May 15, 2026

Can AI recognize and respond to a person's micro-expressions to understand their true emotional state?

⚖ Almost

"After hearing from the jurors, the panel was unanimous in its cautious optimism."

Case No. № 3AC9 May 15, 2026

Can AI identify early-stage lung cancer from breath biomarkers using portable electronic noses?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that the technology has taken promising steps in controlled studies and working demos, but its real-world performance remains too untested for a full endorsement."

Case No. № 6A9D May 15, 2026

Can AI predict heart failure hospitalization risk using patient-generated ecg data from smartwatches?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found itself swayed by impressive demonstrations yet equally sobered by the absence of broad clinical validation, all while acknowledging the narrow but promising progress…"

Case No. № 1234 May 15, 2026

Can AI estimate osteoporosis risk from routine dental x-rays of jaw bone density?

⚖ Almost

"After thoughtful deliberation, the jury found itself convinced that AI has crossed the threshold of recognizing jawbone density on dental films but stops short of delivering a clin…"

Case No. № 1212 May 15, 2026

Can AI detect parkinson’s from subtle voice changes in a 30-second recording?

⚖ Almost

"The jury could not muster full unanimity, but the line was clearly between confidence in controlled studies and hesitation about real-world deployment, with no voice raised in outright denial."

Case No. № F9E4 May 15, 2026

Can AI predict epileptic seizures five minutes in advance using eeg headband data?

⚖ Almost

"After deliberation, the jury found the case too promising to dismiss, yet too cautious to affirm outright: many saw promising demos but none could swear to a foolproof method under…"

Case No. № 1FDC May 15, 2026

Can AI diagnose endometriosis from menstrual cycle irregularities detected in period-tracking app data?

⚖ Almost

"The jury sifted through the data like a gynecologist leafing through a patient’s chart, nodding at pattern-spotting but balking at diagnosis."

Case No. № 8DC3 May 15, 2026

Can AI detect early-stage parkinson’s disease from subtle voice tremors in phone calls?

⚖ Almost

"After weighing the evidence, the jury agreed that artificial intelligence can spot the telltale wobble in a voice long before symptoms become obvious—but only if the phone call hap…"

Case No. № 984D May 15, 2026

Can AI predict individual cancer relapse risk using tumor genetic sequencing?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found AI capable of crunching tumor genetics to flag relapse risk, but not yet precise enough for bedside decisions."

Case No. № FA8E May 15, 2026

Can AI detect deepfake videos by analyzing microscopic inconsistencies in blinking patterns?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that artificial eyes can spot AI blinks, but only in the lab; when faced with real-world high-definition fakes, the evidence wavers and the verdict drifts away."

Case No. № 0B0E May 15, 2026

Can AI predict multiple sclerosis flare-ups from changes in smartphone typing speed patterns?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found clear promise in the data but stopped short of declaring victory, noting that while keystroke analytics can flag subtle changes tied to neurological shifts, real-wor…"

Case No. № 5F03 May 15, 2026

Can AI identify early huntington’s disease from subtle changes in eye movement while reading long text?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found reason to pause but not to dismiss, agreeing that eye-tracking AI can spot tiny tremors in gaze but has yet to clinch the case for Huntington’s in the wild world of long-form reading."

Case No. № 4B36 May 15, 2026

Can AI predict rheumatoid arthritis exacerbations from voice tremors detected in phone calls?

⚖ Almost

"After deep deliberation, the jury concluded that while AI can detect voice tremors from phone calls with growing confidence, it has not yet earned unqualified trust in forecasting …"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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