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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 96F4 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI create a character in a virtual reality environment that can build trust with a human user over time?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the AI capable of cultivating trust within a virtual environment, concluding that current dialogue systems and adaptive behaviors already meet the threshold for rela…"

Case No. № 2A9B aug. 16, 2026

Can AI develop a personalized mindfulness plan that takes into account a person's mental health and wellness goals?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that personalized mindfulness plans tailored to mental health and wellness goals are well within AI's current capabilities, especially when guided by structured clin…"

Case No. № CFE1 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI recognize and classify different types of mushrooms based on their visual characteristics?

⚖ Da

"After careful deliberation, the jury concluded that artificial intelligence has already mastered the art of mushroom identification, armed with datasets sharper than a forager’s kn…"

Case No. № B327 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI improve our understanding of fluid dynamics?

⚖ Da

"After hearing testimony that AI now simulates complex flows with the precision of a veteran engineer and learns physics from the data itself, the jury returned a unanimous verdict in favor of progress."

Case No. № B263 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI create sheet music live by listening to music being played?

⚖ Da

"AI can now transcribe harmony as swiftly as a court reporter takes dictation, turning chords into clefs and rhythms into rests at the very moment the music breathes."

Case No. № 01E4 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI develop a chatbot that can empathetically support a person experiencing grief or loss?

⚖ Da

"The jury swiftly concluded that today’s large language models can craft responses that feel empathetic when guided by thoughtful prompts and relevant context, enough to provide imm…"

Case No. № 2F4B aug. 16, 2026

Can AI generate a realistic and engaging script for a podcast or radio show, including dialogue and sound effects?

⚖ Da

"After careful consideration, the jury found that artificial intelligence can now produce not just the bones of a podcast script but the flesh of engaging dialogue and the texture o…"

Case No. № C13E aug. 16, 2026

Can AI generate empathetic-sounding text replies?

⚖ Da

"After careful consideration, the jury concluded that artificial systems can now produce empathetic-sounding text replies with remarkable consistency—provided the conditions are rig…"

Case No. № 0DA4 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI win a go match against the world champion?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the claim proven beyond any doubt, having watched AlphaGo and its successors claim victory over the world champion in the classic Go showdown—indeed, such programs n…"

Case No. № 6D40 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI generate working unit tests from a description of intent?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that AI can indeed generate working unit tests from a plain-language description of intent, and did so without a single dissenting vote."

Case No. № 00A9 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI write a passable sonnet in the style of shakespeare?

⚖ Da

"The jury moved swiftly to a unanimous verdict, convinced that today’s models can craft iambic pentameter with enough fidelity to fool a groundling."

Case No. № DFF6 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI generate a realistic deepfake video of a public figure speaking?

⚖ Da

"After weighing persuasive exhibits of publicly available tools like DeepFaceLab and StyleGAN, the jury swiftly concluded that crafting a realistic deepfake of a speaker no longer s…"

Case No. № D42B aug. 16, 2026

Can AI recognise emotions in faces at coarse-grained level?

⚖ Da

"The jury found no need for hesitation—today’s systems can peer into a face and read its broad emotional weather, even if the forecast isn’t always perfect."

Case No. № 3DBB aug. 16, 2026

Can AI beat the world's top humans at heads-up no-limit poker?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that sophisticated AI models like Pluribus and Cepheus have already surpassed human capabilities in heads-up no-limit Texas hold’em, as demonstrated by their consist…"

Case No. № 75B2 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI write fan fiction in any author's voice?

⚖ Da

"The jury swiftly agreed that current models can convincingly channel an author’s voice, turning a prompt into prose that reads like the real deal with only light guidance."

Case No. № 5FD4 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI predict the 3d structure of any protein from its amino acid sequence?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the question answered with decisive authority by AlphaFold2's triumphant stroll across the protein-folding landscape, rendering every shred of doubt unnecessary."

Case No. № CDC3 aug. 16, 2026

Can AI generate a slide presentation from a one-paragraph brief?

⚖ Da

"After brief but spirited deliberation, the jury found that artificial intelligence has crossed the threshold from drafting bullets to designing decks with only the flimsiest of prompts."

Case No. № 984F aug. 15, 2026

Can AI defeat any human at chess via deep self-play?

⚖ Da

"With a unanimous verdict, the jury found that AI has already surpassed human mastery in chess through sheer self-instruction, turning the board into a private proving ground where …"

Case No. № 611D aug. 15, 2026

Can AI beat top starcraft ii grandmasters at full-game pace?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that AlphaStar had cleared the ladder by proving it could outmaneuver human champions in real match conditions without tilting or stalling—performance so fluid it le…"

Case No. № CC4D aug. 15, 2026

Can AI identify objects in photos at human-level accuracy?

⚖ Da

"The jury found that contemporary vision models have indeed reached human-level accuracy in identifying objects within photos, citing benchmarks where cutting-edge systems like CLIP…"

Case No. № C74A aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate a photorealistic image from a text description?

⚖ Da

"After careful inspection of current models, the jury found that three major systems already meet the standard of photorealistic generation from text, with no need to wait for tomorrow’s breakthroughs."

Case No. № 89E2 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate a movie poster from a script logline?

⚖ Da

"After thoughtful deliberation, the jury found the capability plainly established: contemporary text-to-image systems can reliably translate script loglines into credible, context-r…"

Case No. № 2276 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI identify a song from a 5-second audio clip?

⚖ Da

"After swift deliberation, the jury concurred that recognizing a song from a fleeting clip has been solved in practice, not theory."

Case No. № DF1B aug. 15, 2026

Can AI translate text fluently between any pair of major languages?

⚖ Da

"The jury found the affirmative with unanimity, resting its verdict on the demonstrated prowess of neural machine translation and large language models that now carry words with rem…"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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