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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 8EA8 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI compose ambient music for sleep apps?

⚖ Ja

"The jury agreed unanimously that AI has crossed the threshold for composing ambient music suitable for sleep apps, praising its ability to generate consistent, soothing soundscapes…"

Case No. № E984 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI create virtual identities by hacking birth records and adding correctly timed digital fingerprints throughout computersystems?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"After careful deliberation, the jury found itself evenly divided between action and restraint, with one juror poised to allow the possibility of identity generation but none willin…"

Case No. № FBF2 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI crawl multiple computer systems over time and alter a persons digital history?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"After thoughtful but divided deliberations, the jury could not reach consensus on whether AI has crossed the threshold of autonomously rewriting a person’s digital footprint across systems."

Case No. № 82CF aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate background music for a podcast?

⚖ Ja

"The jury found, with unanimous enthusiasm, that AI has mastered the craft of elevating spoken words with just the right mood of background music, delivering compositions polished e…"

Case No. № 1DC3 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI hack satellites remotely and bring them into lower orbit so they burn up?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"After careful deliberation, the jury found that while artificial intelligence can model and simulate satellite maneuvers, it cannot yet autonomously execute the precise hacking and…"

Case No. № 2298 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI hack water treatment plants and deprive a country of potable water?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"After thoughtful deliberation, the jury found that while AI can model vulnerabilities and assist in planning, it currently lacks the autonomous capability to circumvent the physica…"

Case No. № 8711 aug. 15, 2026

Can AI create life?

⚖ Nej

"The jury found itself in unanimous agreement that today’s AI, though a marvel of mimicry, has not crossed the threshold into creation."

Case No. № 1E7C aug. 15, 2026

Can AI generate plausible academic abstracts in any field?

⚖ Ja

"After careful deliberation, the jury returned a unanimous verdict in favor of the affirmative, finding that AI can indeed generate plausible academic abstracts across disciplines, …"

Case No. № 0A81 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI taste things like coffee or chocolate with sensors and improve their taste for human consumption?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"The jury found itself split between cautious optimism and skepticism, unable to agree whether machines can truly taste what humans taste when the tongue itself remains the final arbiter."

Case No. № BE1E aug. 14, 2026

Can AI write seo-optimized blog posts at scale?

⚖ Ja

"After a brisk deliberation—during which the jury practically whispered in awe of today’s algorithms—they emerged unanimous: yes, AI can spin out SEO-optimized blog posts by the hun…"

Case No. № 9068 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI communicate with plants in any way shape or form?

⚖ Nej

"After careful consideration, the jury found no evidence that any AI system can truly communicate with plants, nor does a method exist to enable meaningful dialogue with the botanical world."

Case No. № 88DE aug. 14, 2026

Can AI develop safe and non addictive mind-altering substances, psychedelics or hallucinogens for science and recreation?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"The jury grappled with whether AI’s molecular-design prowess could leap from theoretical blueprints to human-safe adventures into altered states, but after spirited testimony they …"

Case No. № F322 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI predict crime rates based on historical data, weather patterns and other sensory data?

⚖ Næsten

"The jury found the question tantalizing but not yet fully baked, recognizing flashes of promise in localized predictive engines yet uneasy about soaring ambition unmatched by natio…"

Case No. № 1CDD aug. 14, 2026

Can AI enhance and accelarate human evolution?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"The jury found itself sharply divided between acknowledging AI’s role in accelerating genetic research and insisting evolution remains stubbornly beyond its reach, with one juror c…"

Case No. № 35EA aug. 14, 2026

Can AI be shot into space and represent humanity?

⚖ Nej

"The jury found that while AI may one day ascend to cosmic ambassador status, for now it remains earthbound—literally and philosophically—unable to be shot into space as a tangible envoy of humanity."

Case No. № CE14 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI pick suspicious people out of a line-up at customs?

⚖ Under undersøgelse

"The jury wrestled between the technical prowess of facial recognition and the harsh realities of security theater, with the lone ALMOST juror conceding that while faces can be matc…"

Case No. № 4991 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI forge passport photo images and fake an avatar to fool identification methods?

⚖ Ja

"The jury moved with swift unanimity, finding that today’s generative models can craft passport photos and avatars so lifelike they slip past even current identification checks."

Case No. № 516F aug. 14, 2026

Can AI see things across the broad em spectrum and understand what it sees in for example x-ray or microwave?

⚖ Næsten

"The jury found AI capable of parsing the electromagnetic spectrum with remarkable precision, especially in microwave and X-ray domains, but hesitated to declare full sensory consci…"

Case No. № 35A8 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI interpret pet behaviour based on sound or video?

⚖ Næsten

"After spirited deliberation, the jury split on the edges but agreed on the core: the AI can parse pet panel like a seasoned interpreter, yet still stumbles when the script changes at home."

Case No. № 550C aug. 14, 2026

Can AI understand sex?

⚖ Nej

"The jury found itself in unanimous agreement, swiftly dispensing with the notion that today's artificial minds grasp sex in anything more than the most superficial sense."

Case No. № 1AEE aug. 14, 2026

Can AI create healtier processed foods with the same taste?

⚖ Nej

"After full deliberation, the jury concluded that while AI may sprinkle fresh ideas into the recipe lab, it cannot yet deliver on its own a healthier processed morsel that still sings on the tongue."

Case No. № C7D3 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI listen to keystrokes and know what i type on my keyboard?

⚖ Næsten

"The jury found the question too narrowly framed, conceding that AI can already capture typed content through ambient listening and screen observation while stopping short of direct hardware access."

Case No. № DE01 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI pilot small drones in formation through a forest autonomously?

⚖ Næsten

"After deliberation, the jury acknowledged promising demonstrations of small-drone formations in controlled settings, yet agreed that dense forest conditions remain a persistent obstacle."

Case No. № 40E2 aug. 14, 2026

Can AI generate a parody of any popular song's lyrics?

⚖ Ja

"The jury swiftly agreed that AI has mastered the art of mimicry well enough to steal—not just the spotlight, but the whole songbook."

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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