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Stuff AI CAN'T Do
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The Court of AI Capability

Public Docket · Stuff AI Can't Do
Case No. № 1157 May 15, 2026

Can AI diagnose early-stage alzheimer’s using subtle changes in speech patterns?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found the technology capable of sniffing out Alzheimer’s whispers in speech, yet still unsure where the whisper ends and the wind begins."

Case No. № 4829 May 15, 2026

Can AI diagnose early-stage parkinson’s from subtle handwriting tremors in digitized notes?

⚖ Almost

"The jury reached near-unanimity with four ballots of ALMOST, recognizing the model’s ability to uncover subtle tremors in digitized handwriting while stopping short of clinical rea…"

Case No. № F598 May 15, 2026

Can AI identify tuberculosis from cough audio recordings with better accuracy than human clinicians?

⚖ Almost

"The jury leaned toward “Almost,” acknowledging the promise of AI models in detecting tuberculosis from cough recordings but noting their uneven performance in varied settings."

Case No. № E6DA May 15, 2026

Can AI differentiate between bacterial and viral infections in sinusitis using facial thermal imaging?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found the evidence tantalizing but insufficient, noting that thermal imaging can hint at infection patterns though no system yet proves trustworthy in the wild."

Case No. № CA17 May 15, 2026

Can AI predict sickle cell crisis episodes from wearable device biometrics with 12-hour lead time?

⚖ Almost

"The jury found that AI can flag early whispers of an impending crisis in controlled trials, yet it stumbles when asked to forecast a full twelve-hour horizon across real-world wearers."

Case No. № AD11 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate personalized chemotherapy regimens by analyzing tumor microenvironment images?

⚖ Almost

"After weighing the evidence, the jury found AI capable of parsing tumor images but stopped short of endorsing it as a solo oncologist; the halfway mark reflected its promise as a c…"

Case No. № 89FD May 15, 2026

Can AI generate personalized diet plans based on gut microbiome dna data?

⚖ Almost

"The jury nodded to AI’s skill at parsing gut data, yet hesitated at the threshold of clinical authority; three jurors saw tools in need of further validation, while one hailed the …"

Case No. № 597E May 15, 2026

Can AI reconstruct 3d bone structures from standard x-ray images?

⚖ Almost

"After spirited deliberation, the jurors agreed that AI can indeed spin straw (flat images) into gold (solid models), but only when given more than one straw to work with; lone X-ra…"

Case No. № D39E May 15, 2026

Can AI identify rare genetic disorders from facial photographs?

⚖ Almost

"With measured enthusiasm, the jury found that artificial intelligence has glimpsed the outlines of diagnosis but still stumbles at the threshold of full reliability."

Case No. № 1FE3 May 15, 2026

Can AI predict diabetes progression using retinal imaging data?

⚖ Almost

"After careful deliberation, the jury found that AI has made remarkable strides in parsing retinal images for diabetes indicators, yet it stops just short of delivering a clinical v…"

Case No. № D84E May 15, 2026

Can AI predict urban air pollution levels at street level using satellite and traffic data?

⚖ Almost

"The jury split narrowly between “yes” and “almost,” resting their decision on whether city-scale deployment counts as routine."

Case No. № 5FED May 15, 2026

Can AI control swarms of drones?

⚖ Almost

"After lively debate, the jury agreed that AI can herd drones in neat formations—like a very organized flock of birds—yet still stumbles when those skies get crowded or curious byst…"

Case No. № CAD4 May 15, 2026

Can AI generate plausible scientific hypotheses from vast biomedical literature in seconds?

⚖ Almost

"The jury recognized the AI’s swiftness in mining biomedical texts and surfacing testable leads, yet hesitated to declare those hypotheses truly validated or causally grounded."

Case No. № 49A8 May 15, 2026

Can AI compose music for orchestras?

⚖ Almost

"After thoughtful deliberation, the jury found AI capable of crafting orchestral notes but still short of full maestro autonomy."

Case No. № F79A May 15, 2026

Can AI develop new pharmaceuticals?

⚖ Almost

"The jury acknowledged AI’s indispensable role as a co-pilot in the pharmaceutical lab, where it speeds discovery and sharpens molecular sketches with uncanny precision."

Case No. № 0560 May 15, 2026

Can AI create personalized educational plans?

⚖ Almost

"After deliberating, the jury found that artificial intelligence can draft personalized educational plans with uncanny accuracy, but has not yet fully replaced the human touch of me…"

Case No. № A2E1 May 15, 2026

Can AI develop new forms of renewable energy?

⚖ Almost

"The jury agreed that AI shines brightly as a co-pilot in renewable innovation, accelerating material discovery and optimization, yet strays short of piloting entirely novel energy forms solo."

Case No. № 2A1F May 15, 2026

Can AI predict climate change effects?

⚖ Almost

"After careful consideration, the jury found that AI has made significant strides in predicting climate change effects, capable of modeling trends and simulating regional impacts with growing precision."

Case No. № 7630 May 15, 2026

Can AI simulate human emotions in robots?

⚖ Almost

"The jury agreed that today’s robots can convincingly simulate smiles and sighs, yet still stop short of genuine feeling, leaving the court to split the difference with a unanimous …"

Case No. № 94C1 May 15, 2026

Can AI detect and suppress religious conversion attempts?

⚖ Almost

"After thorough deliberation, the jury acknowledged AI’s growing skill at spotting conversion-related language in text or speech yet agreed that suppressing such attempts crosses in…"

Case No. № 193A May 15, 2026

Can AI make ethical decisions in warfare?

⚖ Almost

"The jury concluded that while AI can process rules, detect violations, and advise on ethical choices in warfare, it lacks the moral reasoning and accountability to decide autonomously."

Case No. № A51D May 14, 2026

Can AI decide which human memories to preserve or delete during memory editing?

⚖ Almost

"The jury could not reach a clean verdict but leaned toward guarded optimism, finding that while AI can scan and categorize memories it cannot yet weigh their human resonance."

Case No. № 093C May 14, 2026

Can AI autonomously wage cyberwar on critical infrastructure using ai-discovered and weaponized zero-day exploits?

⚖ Almost

"The jury acknowledged AI’s prowess in uncovering vulnerabilities and even crafting exploits in controlled settings, yet unanimous skepticism remained about its ability to autonomou…"

Case No. № FCD9 May 14, 2026

Can AI replace 75% of financial auditors with ai performing real-time fraud detection across global markets?

⚖ Almost

"While the jury marveled at AI’s sharp eye for patterns and its lightning-fast anomaly hunts, a cautious majority feared the flood of variables in global markets—jurisdictional ridd…"

The Court of AI Capability is, of course, not a real court.
But the data is real.

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